The Barefoot Boy With Shoes On -Asa Martin Oh, the night was dark and cloudy The moon was shining bright The stars were casting burning rays On the storm that raged that night Lightening struck the cowshed And the cows all chewed their cud Moonlight set the prairie on fire In the middle of the woods Oh, the barefoot boy with shoes on Come a-shuffling down the street His pants were full of pockets And his boots were full of feet He was born when he was a baby His grandma’s pride and joy His only sister was a girl And his brother was a boy He never was a triplet But he always was a twin His legs were fastened to his knees Just below his chin And his feet were fastened to his ankles Several inches from his shoulder And when he grew up he became a man And everyday got older He married him a woman Who quickly became his wife For you see he could not marry her And maintain a single life Her head was full of notions And her mouth was full of tongue They raised a dozen children All born when they was young Six boys, five girls And then another child They never tried to raise them right Just let them grow up wild And late in the evening They’d send them off to bed Not sure if they was living And they wished they all was dead The youngest was a baby But the oldest was one first The good one was the bad one But the bad one was the worst They never knew their ages No, they never seemed to care ‘Cause they knew they had a birthday And it came ‘round once a year They never knew their father’s age But they always had a hunch That he was born before their time Was the oldest of the bunch And when they died they could not speak Their names they could not tell The girls all went to heaven And the boys all went out West The organ peeled potatoes Lard was rendered by the choir When the parson rang the dishrag Someone set the church on fire “Hole smokes!” the preacher shouted As he madly tour his hair Now his head resembles heaven For there’ll be no parting there It was midnight on the ocean Not a streetcar was in sight The Captain hailed a taxi And he rode all day, that night. VARIANT: It was midnight on the ocean Not a streetcar was in sight The sun was shining brightly And it rained all day that night It was a summer's day in winter And the rain was snowing fast And a barefoot boy with shoes on Stood sitting in the grass And the cows were making cowslips And the bells were ringing wet The bumble bees were making bums And smoking cigarettes A man went in a stable And came out a little hoarse He jumped upon his golfstick And rode all around the course While the organ peeled potatoes Lard was rendered by the choir The sexton rang a dish-rag Someone set the church on fire Holy smokes the preacher shouted In the rain he lost his hair Now his head resembles heaven Cause there sin't no partin' there. it was midnight on the ocean Not a horsecart was in sight I went into a drugstore To get myself a light The man behind the counter Was a lady old and gray Who used to peddle shoestrings On the road to Mandalay My husband's dead the lady said Her eyes were dry with tears She put her head between her feet And stood that way for years Her children six were orphans Except one tiny tot Who lived in a house across the street Above a vacant lot It was evening and the sunrise was just setting in the west; And the fishes in the treetops were all cuddled in their nests. As the wind was blowing bubbles, lightning shot from left to right; Everything that you could see had been hidden out of sight As I gazed through the oaken door A whale went drifting by It's six legs hanging in the air So I kissed her goodbye. This story has a moral As you can plainly see Don't mix your gin with whiskey On the deep and dark blue sea.